I'm Sorry, Katniss
by arielbelle
Summary: Katniss has a secret - and only Haymitch can protect her and get her through the hard time she will endure. With the help of Peeta, Haymitch devises a plan. What will happen to the two when they're shacked up in the same hole of a house alone? -Rated M for language and possible sexual themes later.
1. Chapter 1 - Honesty is for Losers

Not affiliated with The Hunger Games books or the movie.

Rated M for language and [later] sexual content.

Chapter 1: honesty is for losers.

The fact that he was here again raised all alarms to Katniss Everdeen. It didn't seem right; why was he here again? The scene was blurry. Her eyes burned and she rubbed them with her palm. The scene became more clear; there he was, sitting across from her. His hair was messy, he smelled faintly of alcohol. She wasn't sure why he'd come to her house.

"Shouldn't you be at Peeta's?" She asked, looking around for the water she knew she had left on the table.

"Shouldn't you be sober already?" He asked, sitting back in the lounge chair.

"Haymitch, really." She said, knocking over a glass of water in her haste to sit up quickly.

"Yes, dear?" He asked; the humor in his voice obvious. "I'm assuming you want to blame me for that too."

"No, I'd love to blame you for everything, but I cannot think of one thing you've done today besides wake me up and give me a headache." She said, wiping up the spilled liquid with an old towel. It was the month before the victory tour and Katniss honestly didn't care whether she was sober or not. She moved around, looking for some alcohol. She found it.

"Looking for something?" Haymitch asked as he tipped the bottle up. "I figured maybe you'd let me have a drink." He shrugged his grin annoying to Katniss.

"Give me that." She said, reaching for it. He pulled it just out of her reach.

"I think the word you're looking for is 'please'." He said, and Katniss had nothing more in mind than hitting him. She moved her hand back, ready to punch. Haymitch sat the liquor down and stood up, his hand wrapping around Katniss' fist.

"Listen, we are going to do this. Whether it is what you want or not." He said, his face alarmingly close to Katniss'. "I'm tired of pussyfooting around you. It's time for me to decide for you." He said, pushing her hand away.

"I don't want to. I… I'm done with that." She said evasively.

"Really? Because Peeta has said otherwise." He said, his voice husky and low. "And I know lover boy knows you better than you know yourself."

Katniss faltered for a moment. It wasn't ideal, but maybe it was a better idea. Clearly this would be far too nerve-wracking for her mom to deal with. She bit her lip, closing her eyes as she thought of the many different things that could go wrong with the plan.

"Fine. Until I'm completely sober from everything, I will stay in your nasty hole of a home." She said, admitting defeat.

It wasn't that she couldn't live at her house. But recently her decisions hadn't been good. Her mother was busy working, and Prim was the perfect helper. It left a lot of free time for Katniss. She'd turned to something she had never wanted to do; drugs. Specifically, she was addicted to morphling. And alcohol, but the alcohol wasn't as addicting.

She wrote a note to her mom. Between Peeta and Haymitch, they had come up with a plan that would hide what was going on. It wasn't the most perfect story, but it would suffice. She could hardly go into the victory tour messed up. It wouldn't do. The story was elaborate, but involved Haymitch being the one on morphling. Katniss was the one to take care of Haymitch, in his old house. The new house had to be 'cleaned out' by Peeta (who had been willing to do the work to actually clean up Haymitch's wreck of a house). Katniss could get the medicine to get 'Haymitch' clean, and it would work perfectly.

It had started out as meaningless test. She'd found some morphling abandoned by the train tracks, and had taken it with her to her house. Her mom had been away, working for a patient. Prim had tagged along. The intial taste-test had been just a curious girl taking a little drug. But it had a major impact. Katniss became addicted. She spent hours of her day looking for morphling, and it was no wonder they kept running low on money; Katniss spent it buying morphling. She always explained it away as buying food for the hungry. One lie fell easily on top of the other. But in order to keep things peaceful, a worried Peeta and a harried Haymitch went right to work to help Katniss.

As she moved her clothes and other stuff to the old abandoned house Haymitch's parents had previously owned, Katniss felt weak and tired. It had been approximately ten hours since her last fix. The days were going to get longer; Katniss knew this. She knew just how hard this was going to be. The note she left her mom wouldn't ever be enough to explain, and how she hated lying. But honesty was for losers.

"Got everything, sweetheart?" Haymitch asked, having depleted his own liquor supply for this experiment. They were going through hell, but they were doing it together.

"I guess." Katniss said, sagging down in an old chair. The things that Peeta and Haymitch had been moving to this house were numerous, but they were all someone else's cast-offs. Neither could supply enough stuff to truly make it home.

"Good. We have a long couple of days ahead." He said with no humor or sarcasm in his voice. Katniss briefly wondered if this was what it would be like with a sober Haymitch. Sure he'd mostly sobered up for parts of the games, but surely this was nothing like what an actual sober Haymitch would be like.

The buzz started wearing off completely a couple hours later. Both Haymitch and Katniss found comfort in staring at the ceiling, counting lines in the wood. Little did they know, their journey was just beginning.


	2. Chapter 2 - Cussing Rhymes with What?

I am not affiliated with Hunger Games the book or the movie.

As always, rated M for language and sexual content.

**Chapter 2: Cussing rhymes with what?**

Haymitch was lying in a pool of his own vomit. It was the least attractive thing that Katniss had ever seen. Her mother had given him a certain kind of medicine for alcohol that, if a person even tastes alcohol they'll instantly throw it up. Apparently, Haymitch had been trying to use rubbing alcohol that way. Katniss shook her head, bending over him to wipe up some of the vomit. This wasn't supposed to go this way; Haymitch was supposed to be taking care of her.

"Haymitch, you'll have to sit up." She said, pushing the hair out of his eyes. He sighed and started to get up, but only to vomit again. She mopped up the stuff from his mouth and face, then began again on the floor.

"Don't you have a bucket somewhere?" She asked him, looking at the disgusting floor. She had completely detached herself, enough so that the smell and the look didn't even bother her. She was irritated but that was about it. She finished, handing a decaying metal bucket to Haymitch.

"Please upchuck in this bucket. I won't clean up after you anymore." She said, throwing the towel soaked in vomit into the fire. It was kind of cold, so the fire was about their only source of heat; besides a blanket. And there was only one blanket.

After a couple hours, both Haymitch and Katniss were in pain again. Katniss curled up on the rug on the floor. They both had to sleep there; the couch wasn't stable enough for either of them. Haymitch sat down next to her, wiping beads of sweat from his brow.

"I thought this was for you, yet you're faring better than me somehow." He said, his voice unsteady. He'd only quit puking about half an hour before. She shrugged.

"I am just really good at hiding my pain." She said, curling herself up into a ball. She shivered a bit. "Just how cold is it supposed to get?" She asked, knowing there was no way for him to know that answer.

"I'd have to guess pretty cold." He said, pulling the blanket up off the floor. Katniss always left one side of it lying on the ground for him. Haymitch slid down next to Katniss, shivering as he covered with the blanket. It was barely sufficient for one person, let alone two.

They both managed to fall asleep for a bit. But according to the moon, which Katniss glanced at after waking abruptly, it was about 2 am. She shivered; it was the coldest night they'd had in a long time. Their fire had started dying down, but there wasn't enough coals to start a new fire. Instead, she moved an inch closer to Haymitch, hoping that she could somehow steal some warmth from him.

He grunted and whispered, "Don't take this as a come on, sweetheart." He started, moving closer. "I just need some heat". It was so cold; Katniss didn't even try to reject it. She scooted closer too. He wrapped his arm around her, spooning into her. She felt awkward, but it felt good because of how cold she'd been.

"What is your favorite nursery rhyme?" She asked, trying to push the awkwardness away.

"I used to make my own." Haymitch said, his thumb absentmindedly stroking Katniss' hip through her shirt.

"What did you rhyme?" She asked, trying not to concentrate on how good it felt to be touched.

"Just whatever. Usually cuss words wrapped into the stupid childhood rhymes I'd heard growing up." He said, moving just a bit closer to Katniss. Her body against his did help with the heat, but there was something about lying with Katniss that relaxed him and made him nervous at the same time. It wasn't a feeling he could equate with anything.

"Give me an example." She said, wrapping her hand around his hand; effectively ending all of the stroking his thumb had been doing. She liked holding his hand. Her body was having a different effect, but she ignored it.

"Cussing rhymes with what?" He asked, trying to start an impromptu rhyme. The hand that Katniss was hold was sweating. He hadn't held a girls hand... well ever. He thought he may like it.

"Fussing." She said, rubbing her finger over his hand.

"You want me to rhyme cussing with fussing." He said, squeezing her hand gently.

"Just shut up, Haymitch." She said, turning in his arms as she let go of his hand. Their lips met, rather briefly but it still felt good. She looked into his eyes and saw the same burning there that she felt.

He was a bit startled, but he kissed her back, his hands falling onto her hips. Their kiss was full of something he couldn't describe, but knew to be longing. He pulled away, only because other parts of his body had begun to react. He wasn't a virgin, but he was quite sure Katniss was. He smiled as gently as he could.

"Sweetheart, we're going to get into trouble if we keep kissing." He said, more sweetly than he had ever said anything to her. He imagined her as a porcelain flower and he wasn't going to be the one to break her.

"I like trouble." She whispered, looking into his eyes.

"You'll be the death of me." He said, turning away.

"Goodnight, Haymitch." Katniss said, her voice disappointed.

"Goodnight, Katniss." He said back, feeling just as disappointed as she seemed to sound.


End file.
